‘When the sale comes first and the truth comes second just stop for a minute and smile.’

So, I’ve been away from bloggy world for longer than I’d hoped, (three days but it feels like a lifetime.) I’d like to say that this is because I’ve been hard at work, writing, but the truth is I’ve been struck with the dreaded blog-writer’s block. So, if anyone has any brilliant ideas on what my next few posts should be, if there are any films or books they’d love for me to review/rip to shreds, or if they are just desperate to hear the sound of my writer’s voice, let me know. I’m needing an inspiration fairy right about now. Inspiration fairies are like muses, but better.

On a side note, I did, in fact, finish the first draft of my WIP this morning, so I guess it’s now time for the real work to begin! Fun, fun, fun. My WIP is currently called Raven’s Keep, and I’d love any feedback you have on that title. Hate it? Love it? Indifferent? Please, please, please let me know!

This post does actually have a topic by the way, and is not just me rambling from one point to the next. Today I thought I’d discuss my biggest book-related pet peeve: Celebrity writers.

God. Uch. The two words don’t even go together. I mean, that’s an oxymoron if ever there was one. Aren’t writers by their very definition meant to be people who stay out of the limelight? (You can disagree with me on that comment- I know I’m generalising to make my point.) Celebrity autobiographies are bad but fiction is even worse. At least with the autobiographies, it’s pretty much a guarantee that the celebrity ‘author’ knows what their book is about.

Don’t get me wrong- I have nothing against ghostwriters. Every writer would do pretty much anything if it involves being paid to do what they love, and I can’t blame them for that.

The thing that gets to me is that I live and breathe writing. I think about it first thing in the morning and last thing at night. I couldn’t not write, even if I knew my work would never ever be read, because writing is just part of what makes me me. 

But for celebrities, it is just a vehicle that earns them money. Most of them don’t care about writing or reading or books in themselves. They just want their hard-hitting, ‘tell-all’ book to be the Christmas number one bestseller. And people wonder why libraries are closing?!

For me, books are art. They might not be for many of you, and that’s fine. You might just view the written word as fun entertainment, whether through blogging, or poems, or reading. But think about it- you wouldn’t catch a celebrity trying to sell a painting, would you? (Although it will happen soon, when people in the industry realise there’s a profit to be made from it) For me, celebrity art *shudders* and celebrity books are the same thing- completely absurd. Writing is an art, and if you don’t have the talent, or at least the love for it, you shouldn’t do it. (I’m aware I could be shooting myself in the foot here, over my questionable ‘talent,’ but hey, no one can question my dedication.) You want to reveal your life story? Do it in a gossip magazine- that’s what they’re there for.

 Perhaps I’m just bitter or grumpy, or can’t face the cold, hard truth of reality, but I can’t shake this skewed idea I have that unless you love reading and the written word, you shouldn’t be allowed to write. Why should people read your books, if you don’t read yourself? People who have never read a book in their lives and don’t intend to start, even with their own products, should not be allowed to make money from their ‘books.’ It’s just plain gross. For every celebrity who churns out a future bargain-bin waste of space without thought or care, there are thousands of would-be writers, dreaming, breathing and loving writing and being rejected by publishers across the world. 

Yes, I am aware that this horrible epidemic can’t be outlawed and that we don’t live in ‘fair’ land. I am also aware that some of these books could be amazing. I don’t know, I’ve never read any, and whether they’re amazing or shit is irrelevant. The issue is why they exist. I recently had an opportunity to do work experience at a big publishing company, and I actually sat through a meeting where one member of the team suggested approaching a certain popular octogenarian to see if he fancied 'writing' another autobiography. No one was keen on the pitch and everyone was clearly thinking: who actually cares what this celebrity has to say? But the idea wasn’t ruled out. You know why? Because they knew there might be money in it.

In all honesty, I just want to know why. Why do people read these books? What is there that draws people to them? Because, personally, I just can’t see it. If you are a fan of celebrity books, don’t be shy- I won’t bite your head off. I’m not attacking the readers, just the principle of celebrity books as a ruthless, calculated, moneymaking venture. I want to know what’s good about them so I can sleep better at night.

(Disclaimer: I do not actually stay awake at night worrying about the future of books because of the current epidemic of celebrity authors- I was just being dramatic. :D )

'A good novel tells us the truth about it's hero; but a bad novel tells us the truth about its author.' Gilbert K. Chesterton

Maybe I’m a spiteful, bitter, hard to impress person, but it seems to me that lots of YA (young adult) fantasy books just seem to encounter the same problems again and again and again. I say *problems* but in all seriousness these are things that other people probably love or don’t care about. I’m most likely the stereotypical old man, whining about the music that young kids listen to these days and calling it noise. Maybe I just need to get with the program. Yep. I’ve never used that expression before in my life.

But unfortunately/fortunately I am stuck in my own head, and I like the things I like and dislike the things I don’t like. So, I thought I’d write a list, (you can probably already tell I heart lists) of the top six staples of YA fantasy fiction that I Just Don’t Like. I’m also really curious to know if other people feel the same way, or if it’s just me and I should go sit in a corner.

1. My number 1 pet peeve goes to…Love Triangles. It seems you can’t open a YA book without he loves her but she loves him but he loves her…blah, blah, blah, you get my drift. My issue here is simple: apart from being an easy plot device to create tension in an otherwise harmonious relationship, no one in the triangle can come off looking the better for it. The person caught between the two, looks selfish and irresponsible at best, whilst the two fighting over the girl or boy become jealous and angry and territorial. These aren’t qualities I need or look for in my heroes/heroines. People get hurt, things get messy, and as readers are uncontrollable elements, they often end up rooting for the wrong person and get aggrieved when their favourite is left broken hearted. Oops. Another issue is when a person is supposedly never noticed until they develop a relationship with someone, and then of course, a contender has to come out of nowhere. Realism, people! Attention all authors and wannabe authors- stop making things look like obvious plot devices.     

2. Alpha males. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against a strong male character, but when he’s obsessive, controlling, jealous, has man rage and treats the girl like tissue paper half the time, like his property the rest, then I find myself rolling my eyes, and shouting “next!” It's not sexy or hot. It's frustrating and worrying. In these crazy, modern times, a girl can do anything a boy can do. Sometimes, she can even do it better.

3. Lack of interesting female characters. So you pick up a book and it’s written in first person and of course the narrator is the usual ‘I’m not pretty, no boys ever notice me’ type of girl, but wait! She moves somewhere new and a hundred boys are instantly interested in her, and the girls are, for the most part, petty and jealous. In my opinion, female-female relationships are beautiful, complex and necessary, but they are often either neglected or cheapened by stories like this. Where is the best friend that the protagonist tells everything to? Where is the girl who forces the protagonist out of her comfort zone again and again, thus leading to interesting exploits for the reader? I’m aware that some girls never have those sorts of friendships in real life, and that’s fine, but in these types of books I think it’s needed. As a girl, I’m meant to insert myself into the narrator’s shoes and pretend I'm her. It's not enjoyable to do that when it feels like she’s judging every other girl in the vicinity, whilst pretending that it’s they who judge her. If I met this character in real life, she wouldn’t want to be friends with me, so why should I now bother getting to know her? How can you write something by a girl, about a girl, and for girls, and have the narrator not like other girls? This Doesn’t Make Sense.

 

4. The love interest is ridiculously beautiful. It goes back to childhood rivalry; on the playground- my toy is better than yours. If the protagonist has the most insanely beautiful boyfriend or girlfriend, then they obviously win at EVERYTHING and no one can ever beat them again. I don’t want this in the books I read: I find it unrealistic, unimaginative and boring. I want people who look like those I see walking down the street. I want freckles and dodgy hair dye and misspelled tattoos and love handles. And isn't it so much more real and special when an average looking person becomes beautiful to someone else simply because they fall in love with them? A habit of mine when reading a book is trying to cast the lead roles. When someone is described as ridiculously perfect, I can’t even think of A-List stars good looking enough to play them. Think about it- even mega-huge, Hollywood celebs have quirks. Julia Roberts has a huge mouth, Robert Pattinson has those bushy eyebrows, and no one would ever describe Brad Pitt as having a neat, straight nose. No wonder people complain when books are turned into films and they think the chosen actors aren’t good looking enough to play their beloved heroes/heroines. There are probably only five people in the world good looking enough to play those parts, and who knows if they act or even speak the right language?!

5. Everyone is straight and everyone is white. We live in a diverse world, and I like to see it reflected in the books I choose to pick up. Something I think is especially common with YA and children’s fiction is that readers look for themselves in the books they read. Being a teenager is a turbulent time, one where people usually question everything about themselves and feel like no one in the world could possibly ever understand them. They should be able to not only take pleasure in escaping with a book, but also find some relief by relating to someone on those pages. The fact is, a gay teen or an ethnic minority usually has to scour the Internet for specialist areas if they want to find a piece of themselves in their fiction.     

   

6. Once the love story has developed, it becomes the ONLY thing that matters. All friends are forgotten, all family is irrelevant and school is an annoying irritancy that keeps the protag from their loved one. I don’t think that LOVE justifies total selfishness where a character is willing to run out on their family/dump all their friends/put everyone in danger, just because their special someone is extra cute and extra perfect. I have nothing against love stories in my YA fantasy - I enjoy them - but I don’t agree that they permit the protagonist to act like a myopic, selfish dick. It’s ok because he/she is in lurrvve. No. *Shakes head.* No it’s not. 

For all the clever, perceptive followers out there, you may have noticed that Twilight has all six of these issues. Congratulations, you win a prize, and no, it wasn’t deliberate. *Ducks as Twihards across the internet throw dictionaries at me.* Why dictionaries? Because they’re big and heavy.

Agree/disagree with the six points? Have any opinion on anything at all or just want to complain about how apathetic you are? Sound off in the comments!

A Series of Unfortunate Babbling:

So I've heard that Good Things come to those who Blog, and I thought I'd give it a try, even though I'm quaking in my Converses. Apparently, as an aspiring author, I should have been doing this, like, five billion years ago, but better late than never! At the moment I'm strangely lost for words, even though I started writing this post knowing exactly what I wanted to say. Which kinda makes this post completely at odds with its title. Oh well. Anyway, don't worry, there will be plenty of babbling, because once I get started on a topic, I don't shut up until I've dissected it and snipped at it and turned it into a pretty pattern. (I'm almost 100% sure that that metaphor didn't make sense. *Shrugs*.) What I will write about are thoughts on writing - which will be as general as it sounds, ranging from ideas on characterisation to plot to language - and reviews/over inflated opinions of books/tv programs. I will try to be funny, I will try to be clever, I will try to be insightful. I will probably fail at all three but I will try. Happy reading!